Overheard In The Ward

Sister giving a talk on food storage in sacrament meeting: I ground my own wheat and made ‘meat’ from gluten. My kids never knew it wasn’t real meat.
Grown son in congregation, under his breath: Oh, I knew it wasn’t real meat.

Overheard by: Tastes just like chicken

Young man saying the sacrament prayer: Please bless and sanctify this wine–err I mean water.
Girl in congregation: They’re serving wine today?

Overheard by: Chardonnay Pairing

Sister giving a talk on the Word of Wisdom: It’s against my religion to drink liquid.

Overheard by: Lime Jello Shots with Carrot

Teacher: what are some of the things the word of wisdom says we can’t drink?
CTR 8 child: Blood!

Overheard by: Charity Never Faileth

Primary teacher holding up a picture of a deer: Can anyone tell me what this is?
Four-year-old boy: That’s a beer! My dad has lots and lots of beers in our backyard!

Overheard by: Jeannie

Sunday School Teacher: Of all the miracles Jesus performed during his ministry, which one would you most like to have witnessed?
Member #1: I would like to have tasted the water that was turned into wine.
Member #2: I’ll drink to that!

Overheard by: Slurpeefiend

Primary President: [Pours a scoop of dirt into a glass of water to demonstrate repentence]
CTR8: Hey, that looks like my dads chew!

Overheard by: Sister Eew