Overheard In The Ward

Stake President to overheated EQ Counselor: There are three things that we as members of the Church aren’t ready for yet in this life. First, we’re not ready to receive the sealed portion of the Book of Mormon. Second, we’re not ready to live the Law of Consecration in its fullness. Third, we’re not ready to have the heating and air conditioning in any of our chapels work properly. I hope that by the Millennium the Lord sees fit to grant us proper temperature controls in our buildings… otherwise, it’s going to be a long thousand years.

Overheard by: slurpeefiend

Gospel Doctrine teacher writing “Endor to the end” on the chalkboard: We have to endure to the end of our lives.

Overheard by:  Wicket W. Warrick

Music PhD student giving an announcement in Priesthood opening exercises: I’m writing a dissertation on using pedagogical techniques to teach tone-deaf people to sing and I’m looking for volunteers.
Bishopric first counselor: Don’t worry, Brother Johnson has already signed up… Oh… and it’s confidential, by the way.

Overheard by: Pedagog-a-what?

The Elder’s Quorum President giving a talk: As members of the Church, we are often asked to give service on the sperm of the moment.

Overheard by: Mallory

Primary President:  Well, we were going to meet on the stage…
High Priest Group Leader: We’ll move.
Elders Quorum President: Yeah, they can sleep anywhere.

Overheard by: Stephsterr, The YW Prez

Elder: She is totally a Lead Kindly Light kind of girl.
Elder #2: Huh?
Elder: You know… [singing] Lead Thou Me On. 

Overheard by: ChoirFreak

Expectant father bearing testimony: A pregnant wife is different than a regular wife.

Overheard by: Wincing Wardmember